10W 5D バンクホリデーウイークエンド Bank Holiday Weekend

昨日はなんとなく韓国料理が食べたくなったので、今日からのホリデーのために借りた車もあったから、ハイブリーにある韓国料理レストランまで車で行って食べた。キムチチゲが食べたくて注文したけど、やはり食べてはトイレを２回繰り返した。あまり食べられなかったがおいしかった。夜は GAVISOn を飲んで寝たら、一度も起きずに快眠できた。どうやらいびきがうるさくて Jason は大変だったらしい。今朝は起き掛け、お腹がすいてるからちょっと気持ち悪かったが、それを除けば今のところ快調。少し治ってきたようだ。今日から２泊でニューフォーレストの方に行ってくる。

I suddenly felt like eating Korean. As we had a car rented for the long weekend holiday from tomorrow, we decided to go to the one in Highbury by car. I had really craved for Kimchi Chige, but after eating it a bit, my stomach started to get sore, and started to have a bad gut again. I could not eat much but taking GAVISOn helped me for sleeping soundly. Except for the sickly feeling this morning, everything seems to be better. We are going to the New Forest & Bournemouth from tomorrow for 2 nights.

10W 4D 胃痛、腹痛、他のGPに会う

昨日の夜はひどかった。家に９時ぐらいに戻ってきて、もう、歩きながら苦しくて、トイレに直行。胃腸が両方痛い。12時過ぎまで寝て、何も食べてないし、顔も洗ってないことに気がつくけど、だるくて動けない。コーン缶があったのを思い出し、牛乳コーンスープを作って、ようやく少し食べるが、一口ごとにおなかがごろごろ鳴り出し、トイレに行くことを繰り返す。食欲は全くなし。どうやら、やはり Jason の食中毒が移って、激しく活動を開始したらしい。唸りながら寝た。

朝になっても調子が悪いので、GP のアポイントまでやはり家で休むことにした。お風呂に浸かると気持ちがいい。今回の GP は多分バングラディッシュ系の男性。胃腸痛についてたずねると、薬は飲んではだめだと言われ、胃炎の痛さを緩和する液状の薬、GAVISCON を処方してくれた。やけに大きなボトルだ。とにかく火曜日以降食欲がないが、なにかサプリメントを取ったほうがいいかと聞いたが、必要ないとのこと。赤ちゃんはお母さんから栄養素をできるだけ多く取ろうとするので、足らなくなるならお母さんの方ですだって。それに、まだこの段階ではあまり赤ちゃんも必要ないらしい。胃炎に似た痛みなので毎日飲むことになっているタブレット・・・ACIDという名前がついてるから、がなにか影響あるのかと聞いたが関係ないそうだ。とりあえず、水を大量にのんで自然治癒しかないとのこと。来週になっても治ってなかったら更に検査するそうだ。

さて、病院と検査についてだが、こっちは既に St Thomas' から返事があったようで、どうやら認められなかったらしい。ってことは結局あの汚い Royal London で産むことになるのだ。まあ、しょうがない。ダウン症検査については、この GP は私の意向を理解してくれて、というか、彼のほうから、｢あなたの年齢から考えると NHS の標準検査ではなくて、もう少し精密なのをやったほうがいいね。ここはプライベート診療だが、リファレンスレターも書いてあげるので、ここで予約しなさい。」と、Independent Hospital の番号をくれた。St Thomas' と Royal London を行き来することで、時間のロスができて、下手すれば検査の予約が間に合わないかと心配してたので、（１１週から１４週ぐらいのうちに受けないと意味がないから）ちょっと安心。

いったん家に戻り、Independent Hospital に電話する。６月８日（火）の予約を取った。血液検査も含めたスクリーニングで１９５ポンド。まあ、よしとしよう。結果も２時間待てばその日のうちに通知されるとのこと。お金で不安を解決だ。この日は１日年休を取ることにした。

それにしても、あまりにもなにも食べていないのでふらふらする。だけど食欲なし。午後に会社に着いてから、早速 GAVISCON を飲んで、ちょっとクリスプスを食べるが、やはりまだトイレに直行だ。明日から３連休のホリデーだから、ニューフォーレストのほうに行く予定なのに大丈夫だろうか。

家に帰った直後に例の女医の方から電話があり、St　Thomas' がだめだったこと、Midwife　の予約はそのままにしてあるので行く様にということ、Royal　London　の方のスクリーニングのキャンセルは自分ですることを確認した。

It was terrible last night. I came home at about 9 but I was really ill on my way home and I went to the toilet straight after arriving home. Stomach and gut are both sore. I went to bed and had a sleep till around the midnight and realised that I had not even washed my face but could not move because I felt so drained. But I felt I had to feed my baby. I remembered there was a tin of cream corn in the cupboard and cooked soup with corn and milk. I managed to eat a bit but after each spoonful soup, my intestines made loud noises, then rushed into the toilet. No appetite at all. I must have infected Jason's food poisoning, which started to act viciously. I slept groaning.

As I still feel very ill this morning, I decided to stay in bed till my GP appointment. I took a bath before going. This was really nice and relaxing. The GP I saw today was probably from Bangladesh. He told me that I can not take any medicine for my stomach problem due to pregnancy, as expected. He though prescribed a medicine which helps the gastric stomach pain, liquid medicine called GAVISCON. Huge bottle of medicine. I asked him if I need to take any supplement as I had not had any appetite since Tuesday. He told me that I do not do anything special for the baby. According to him, the baby anyway tries to as much as or everything he/she can from his/her mom. We do not have to worried abut the baby. If something goes wrong, it will be me but not the baby. I see.... I also asked the doctor if Folic Acid is not bad for my stomach, as it has a word 'acid'. Nothing to do with acid, he said. His advice is taking plenty of water and just wait it go. If I am still not good next week, I need to contact them again.

About my screening and hospital, he showed a scan of letter from St Thomas's. I was rejected. Well, I have to deliver a baby in that shabby Royal London Hospital. Never mind then. He understood my anxiety about my age and suggested me going to the private screening. He gave me a number of the Independent Hospital. It was such a relief as I thought my situation is very dangerous as while I am being referred to and back from St Thomas's, I may miss the chance of any screening. This screening must be taken between 11th to one day before the end of 14th week precisely.

I went home and booked an appointment with the Independent Hospital on 06/08/04 (Tue). The person answering the phone proudly told me that they do blood test as well. This is exactly the words I have been looking for. It costs 195 pounds but if I can wait for 2 hours after the screening, they will tell me the results on the same day. Need to use money wisely! I am taking a day off on the day.

I feel so dizzy as I have not eaten much for a couple of days. But still no appetite. I took two spoonful GAVISCON after arriving work in the afternoon. I had some crisps but still went to the toilet immediately. I am a bit worried about our long weekend trip to the New Forest.

Just after coming home from work, the other doctor, the female one, rang me. She informed me of the rejection from the St Thomas's and as she had not cancelled my appointment with midwife, I can still go to see her on the day. She also asked me to cancel the screening appointment with The Royal London by myself.

10W 2D 胃炎と腹痛 Stomach ache and bad gut

昨日の腹痛はどうやら胃炎だったみたい。今朝もまだ胃が痛い。神経性胃炎の時の痛み。今日も全く食欲がなかった。ここ何日かの心配で胃炎になったか。夕方は結構調子がよかったので、フレンチに行ったが、今度は途中で腹痛になり帰ってきてしまった。ままに立ち眩みがするのは鉄分が足らないからって言われたって言っていたので、予想通りJasonはレッドミートを買ってきてた。ニュージーランド産のラム！さすがJason！でも、全部食べられなかった。今度は大腸か子宮かどっちかわからないけど、痛いのだ。

出血はないから大丈夫かと思うんだけど、なんか鈍い痛みがある。いままでずーっとあったけど、それが今日はちょっと強い感じ。なんだか心配だ。子宮筋腫合併妊娠だと、筋腫も妊娠とともに大きくなって、変性することもあるらしい。それは怖い。でもスキャンでもしなきゃわからないし・・・。子宮筋腫合併妊娠だと流産の確率も高いと、今日初めて知った。このままあと何ヶ月もこの痛みがあるのは非常に苦痛だ。とりあえずホットウオーターボトルをお腹に当てて横になることにした。

今日は結局例のプライベートの医者から連絡なし。Cathyのアドバイスもあり、もう一度ＧＰの他の医者の予約を取った。今週の金曜日。医者と向き合って話したほうが通じるので、金曜日にもう一度説明して、どうなってるのか聞くつもり。少し安心した。

It must be gastritis. My stomach still hurts. It's like the stomach-ache caused by stress. I had no appetite whole day today. Is this caused by the worries in the last couple of days? I went to the French class after work as I felt a bit better but my stomach started to kill me and I left earlier. As mom told me that I am lack of iron, Jason bought some red meat as expected. It's New Zealand lamb! But I could not finish all. I don't know if it is my intestines or womb but I have some pain in my tummy...

As I am not bleeding and should be alright but it's very dull pain. I have had it for a long time but I feel it is a bit stronger than ever. If a pregnant woman has some fibroids, as the baby grows, the fibroids sometimes also get bigger and they are occasionally regenerated. Scary! But unless I take another ultrasound, I will never know how big they are now. Having fibroids increase risks of miscarriage, I did not know that. If I have to suffer this dull pain from them for another 7 months, it will be a nightmare. Well, I just decided to lie down with a hot water bottle on my tummy.

The private doctor I contacted yesterday has not got back to me today. Following Cathy's advice, I booked another appointment with a different doctor at the surgery. It' on Friday. Probably it will be much easier to talk to GPs face to face. I will make clear all the pending issues. I feel a bit relived.

10W 1D 超音波検査への疑問と病院の選択

きのうJasonがサモサを食べて食中毒気味で晩御飯も食べずに寝た。今朝も調子悪そうだった。なんだか私も移ったみたいで、お腹の調子が悪く、会社に行く前にはいてしまった。会社に一時間遅れで行くが、お腹の痛いのは治らないから、結局タクシーで帰ってきてずっと寝てた。６時ぐらいになってようやく落ち着いてきたが食欲なし。

ＧＰに電話するとやはり、次回の超音波検査には血液検査が含まれていないので、プライベートでもいいから、血液検査も含まれる、一段階より正確な検査を受けたいということ、出産する病院を St Thmas's に 変更したいということをＧＰに申し出た。せっかく Midwife も、初回の検査も彼女は予約してくれていたせいか、ちょっと不機嫌で、「血液検査があっても数パーセントしか違いが無いのよ」などと言っていた。それでもやりたいというと、プライベートの検査ができる電話番号を教えてくれたが、私は結局 St Thomas's プライベートの方に電話した。医者のセクレタリーと話したが彼女は良く分からないのであした折り返し電話してくれるそうだ。

ところでＧＰはつい最近も同じ時期ぐらいに出産予定の女性を St Thomas's にリファーしたが断られたということを言っていた。だから難しいかもしれないらしい。そして「どうして気が変わったの」と非難されたので「この前初めてＧＰにあった時は、病院の選択について考えなきゃいけないなんてことすら知らなかった。その後いろいろ調べて自分がどうしたいか分かっただけです。」と伝える。何にも分からなくて困ってるってことを分かってくれないのかしら。「どうしてSt Thomas's がいいの」って聞かれたので。「周りの評判と、出産前検査の充実です」と言ったが、結局、その後、St Thomas's に電話してみても、血液検査つきの検査なんて聞いたこと無いわと電話に出た看護婦に言われたので、なんだかよくわからないのだが。

Luke にもこの件について聞いてみたが、彼はどこのロンドンの病院でも血液検査とスキャンという組み合わせをＮＨＳでやってるはずって言ってた。でもなんだかよくわからない。Luke によると、ＮＨＳの範囲でのサービスはどこの病院でも同じぐらいのレベルのばずだが、プライベートとなると違うらしい。なんだかますますわからないけど、ＧＰにはお願いしちゃったから、もう後へは戻れない。ところで、ＧＰはいつどんな形で新しい病院に決まったとか、連絡をくれるんだろうか。私は果たしていつ初めて Midwife に会えるのだろうか。

Jason has been suffering from a terrible food poisoning. He was shivering and having diarrhoea just after he got home yesterday. He told me that he had some samsa for lunch. He did not eat dinner and went straight to bed. I was probably passed the poison!? This morning, I had diarrhoea as well and threw up after breakfast. I've been feeling sick since then. I went to work with 1 hour late but came home less than 1 hour later by taxi. I was in bed till 5 pm and I feel much better now but still no appetite.

I talked to GP on the phone. As expected, the screening does not include blood test. I requested her that I would like to have 'integrated screening', which includes blood test but need to have it done under private services, and that I want to deliver he baby at St Thomas' hospital. She was unhappy about these. Of course, she has already arranged a midwife and the first screening at Royal London Hospital for me. She said, Blood test only increases the accuracy of a couple of percentages and not worth doing.' But I insisted that I want to have a go as private medical services. She said only a couple of percentages but according to our investigation 75% will go up to 90%. She gave me a number to call but I called St Thomas's private unit instead. I talked to one of the secretaries to the private doctors but as she did not know exactly what to do, she promised to get back to me tomorrow.

About going to St Thomas's hospital, she referred another 11 week pregnant woman to the hospital a couple weeks ago but rejected due to not enough beds, and she thinks the chance to get approved will very low. She kind of condemned me asking 'Why have you changed your mind?' Well, I haven't changed my mind, I just did not know what to do last time. I explained to her. Why she can not understand that I'm really nervous without enough information.... She also asked why I prefer St Thomas's. I answered that they have better facilities of antenatal screening and it also got good reputations among my friends. I said this to her but after I called the hospital enquiring about the detailed integrated screening, the nurse who answered my call did not know anything about it.

I asked about reputations of Guys and St Thomas's hospital and he wrote to me back: Regarding antenatal screening, most of the NHS hospitals perform the same blood tests and screening, along with the new NICE guidelines (National Institute for Clinical Excellence). There will be no difference between hospitals in London. Royal London Hospital is a good hospital, and there should be no problem. The situation is, however, slightly different if you choose to take private care. If you are happy to spend some money, then you can have whatever tests you want.

I got confused again, at least, Royal London does not do the screening with blood test. Well, anyway, I've already asked my GP to change everything and I have to hope everything will be settled ok as soon as possible. My GP never mentioned how I could know which hospital I am going or whatever, though. When can I see my midwife first time??

9W 6D 腰痛とかぜ

今日は腰痛とかぜになりそうな気配。腰痛はきのうこのWebLogを立ち上げるためにいすに座り続けていたからだろう。かぜっぽいのは引かないようにしたい。

I have a severe back ache and I also feel like catching a cold. The back ache is probably because I was sitting for a long time on a very soft chair yesterday to prepare this Web Log. I hope I will not fully develop the cold.

9W 5D 立ち眩み Dizziness

ようやく出血は収まったようだ。今日から生理用品はしていない。ただ、立ち上がった時にくらくらして、気を失うんじゃないかと思うことあり。また、急に立ち上がると一瞬激しい腰痛に襲われる。

Whenever I stand up, I feel dizzy, sometimes I feel like going to faint. But the bleeding seems to have stopped and I am not wearing sanitary pad any longer. When I get up suddenly, I also feel a sharp backache.

9W2D 次の超音波検査のおしらせ Next Ultrasound Scan appointment

NHSから次の超音波検査の日時のお知らせがきた。６月８日（火）。ちょうど１２週と１日の時だ。ダウン症チェックだろうと思うのだが、説明はどうも、妊娠中にやる２回のスキャン（１２週目と２０週目）の内の初回と書いてある。なんだかよくわからない。もしかして、全員が受ける、この初回のスキャンで希望すればダウン症チェックもしてくれるということだろうか。

先日の出血の時は Early Pregnancy Unit という所に行ったが、今回は Ultrasound Unit だ。日本は頻繁に超音波検査して、そのたびに写真を貰ってくるみたいだが、イギリスでは特に問題がなければ最低２回だけらしい。NHSは無料だから余計なコストは省くってことね。今回のスキャンにはパートナーも連れてきて OK って書いてある。Jason は出張中だ。残念がっている。胎児の写真は希望すればいくらかで購入できる。その収益金は Ultrasound Unit の改善に使われるらしい。さすがイギリスだ。

I received a letter from the Royal London Hospital. It's about the first Ultrasound scan appointment on 08/06/04 (Tue). My baby will be just 12 weeks and 1 day old on the day. I reckon I am going through Down's syndrome screening but it does not state clearly on the letter. It just says that this scan is one of the two scans we go thorough during pregnancy: 12th and 20th week. I feel a bit worried. If I am not screened for Down's syndrome, what shall I do? Or does Down's syndrome screening is a part of the usual 1st scan for everybody?

I went to the Early Pregnancy Unit when I had bleeding but this time I am going to the Ultrasound Unit.In Japan, pregnant women go through more scans and get many scan photos but in the U.K., twice only if there are any problem. NHS is fee and they will not perform unnecessary examinations. Delivery of baby is also covered by NHS in this country and unlike in Japan, we do not spend our own money during pregnant. I can bring Jason to this scan but unfortunately he will be on business trip to Korea. He gets a bit disappointed! If we want, they will sell us scan photos and the profit will be spent on improving the scan department.

9W0D 妊婦服 Maternity clothes

お腹の周りがきつくて、苦しいので先週M&Sでゴムのズボンを買った。デザイン的には Boot Leg なので普通に会社にはいて行ける。この先どんな服を着ていけばいいのだろう。

I bought a very loose pair of trousers at M&S last week. Stretchy waist but they are in Boot Leg design and I believe I can use them at work. I just wonder what sort of clothes I need in the later pregnancy...

8W5D 会社にいつ言うか When shall I announce my pregnancy to work

きのう２日ぶりに出社。病欠一日目には何も考えずに「腹痛のためＡ＆Ｅにいく」と伝えたため、みんなが妊娠でもしてんじゃないのって思ったらしい。Jason と話し合った結果、産休の申請も７月下旬ぐらいまでにすれば法的に問題もないということで、会社にはしばらく言わないことにした。個人的には,
としちゃんに話せば、奥さんがこっちで出産してるから、いろいろ教えてもらえるって思った。だけど、アナウンスした後にだめになっちゃうかもしれないし、いくらイギリスで制度として確立しているとはいえ、産休なんて申請したら、うちの会社はどんなことを言い出すかわからない。辞めてくれと言われかねないのでいやな思いは後回し、黙ってることにした。

出血の跡が少しあり。

I went to work first time after the bleeding yesterday. I texted Tosh on Wednesday that I was going to the A&E as I had a terrible pain in my stomach. And my colleagues were rumouring about my possible pregnancy. After talking to Jason, I have decided not to let my work know my pregnancy till the last minutes, calculating according to the law, I will need to tell my work by the end of July. Personally, I think it would be easy if I announced my pregnancy to them as I could ask Tosh's wife for some advice. But if my pregnancy goes wrong soon after my announcement, it will be a bit dozzy. What's more, my employer is very Japanese and even though they have to follow the British law, they may start to harass me verbally or they would go further and try to make me redundant.

Some trace of bleeding but not much.

8W4D 両親に伝える Broke the news to my parents

結局きのう実家に電話して妊娠していることを両親に伝えた。偏頭痛は収まらないし、頭痛薬、切迫流産、なにもかもわからなく、聞く人もいないから、母に相談するしかないと思った。赤ちゃんのスキャンも見たし行ける確率も高まった気がしたし。

I told my parents about my pregnancy yesterday. Migraine did not improve, no idea about pain killers nor threatened miscarriage. I was a bit worried about everything and I needed some professional advice from my mom. I also felt much more confident after seeing the bean like baby in my tummy and listened to the heart beat the other day.

母に初めに話したかったけど不在だったから、父に話しちゃうのもいいかなって思って一気に話した。高齢なので流産やダウン症の可能性が高いから、だめになっちゃうかもしれないよって思い切り強調もしておいた。父は素直に喜んでいたようだ。「ひろの所は子どもは作りそうもないし、おれたちは一生孫の顔は見れないのかなあ、って会話をママとよくするんだけど、もしかしたら、おまえがおれたちの夢をかなえてくれるかなあなんて、ちょうどこの前話してたところなんだよ」と言っていた。私はやはり、親の期待に答えてあげようって内心思い続けていたのかもしれない。そんなに子どもが好きかわからないけど、産まなきゃいけないって思うように親に洗脳されていたのかも。

I wanted to break the news to my mom first. But she was out at 8.00 PM as usual! It's a bit odd but I just talked to my dad about my pregnancy. I did not forget to emphasise that there are still some risks of miscarriage and Down's syndrome etc as I am not that young. Dad sounded quite excited . 'Mom and I used to talk about that we may never become grandparents. Hiro and Motoko do not seem to take interest in having children. And you were single for a long time. But just couple of weeks ago, we were are talking about the chances of you fulfilling our dream! What a coincidence!' I have probably been brain-washed by my parents secretly to fulfil their dream? It could, because I don't know myself if I really like children but I've always felt strongly that I have to give birth some time in my life.

母が折り返し電話してきたが、意外に興奮していない。ままが私とひろを妊娠した時も、計画したら一回で妊娠したらしいので、やはりできやすさは遺伝か。また、私も弟も、予定日をすぎてもお腹にいたらしいから、私の出産もクリスマスとかお正月にずれこむかもしれない。ちぇっ。早く出てきてくれれば、私の誕生日前に産めるのになんて思ったが、期待できないらしい。

My mom returned my call later but she did not sound as excited as I expected. She told me that she got pregnant with me and my brother just as planned without any delays. It confirmed that this thing is running in my family. She also said, both my brother and I stayed longer in her tummy than scheduled. Shaisen! I can not expect my baby out one month earlier than planned, just before my birthday while I am still in my 30s!!

きょうはまだ少し出血の跡みたいのがある。

I still have a bit trace of old blood.

8W 3D 切迫流産 Threatened miscarriage

看護婦さんに言われた Threatened Miscarriage って何？あまり深刻そうには聞こえなかったけど。調べてみるとどうやら日本語では切迫流産と言うらしい。日本語の方が怖いひびきがある。ネットの情報では、家事もせず動かないでじっとしているべきらしい。緊急度によっては薬も飲む。私は気分さえ悪くなければ明日から会社に行ってもいいって言われたと、なんだか不安になり、ある産婦人科医への質問サイトに、「切迫流産と診断され。普通の生活を送っていいって言われたが本当？」と質問してみた。回答は「安静にしていて損はしないので安静にしていましょう」だった。Jasonに言わせると、日本人はなんでも注意深すぎるからそう言うんだろうとのこと。

What is 'threatened miscarriage'? The nurse did not sound serious but I checked it on the internet. It is called 'Seppaku Ryuzan' in Japanese. Japanese sounds more threatening! According to Japanese sites, it's strongly recommended to stay at home, if possible in bed, even without doing any house work, and if the symptoms are too serious, some medication will be given as well. I was told by the nurse that I can even to work from tomorrow. What's the difference? Is it because my bleeding was not so serious or do I need to be bed ridden?? I posted a question to one of the Japanese sites run by a gynecology. 'I was diagnosed as threatened miscarriage but told to lead a normal life. I only had a slight bleeding and it does not look like serious, probably. But is it true?' The answer was 'Theoretically, it is correct. But it is no harm staying and resting at home so rest at home.' Jason thinks Japanese are always too cautious and over reacted.

まあ、そんなことだろう、初期流産は自然淘汰なんだし、と納得した私は今日から出社するつもりだった。だけど、なんと偏頭痛が始まってしまった。普段だったらすばらしい効き目の薬を飲めば、悪化しないうちに回復する。ところが、さすがに薬は飲みたくない。こうなると偏頭痛の思いのツボで、食べては吐くの繰り返し。

I sort of agree with Jason. After all, noticing can prevent miscarriage at early pregnancy. I intended to go to work from today but terrible migraine started. Usually I can take a tablet of Imigran immediately, which can prevent from developing migraine further. But of course, I want to avoid taking any strong medicine and I ended up with 2 and half days long migraine. I kept vomiting from migraine.

ＧＰの約束にはどうにかたどり着くが、あまりにも気持ちが悪くて頭が痛い。医者に Imigran は妊娠中に飲めないか調べてもらう。飲むことによる効果が、飲んだことによるリスクを上回ると考えられる場合を除いては避けてくださいとのこと。ＧＰによれば、妊婦がリスクを犯して臨床検査に参加することはまずないから、妊娠中の薬の作用についてはわからないことが多いとのこと。そうだろうな。でも、あまりにも私が苦しんでいると、「あなたも、この妊娠を乗り切らなきゃいけないのだから、どうしてもつらかったら飲みなさい」と言われる。Paracetamolは十分な臨床結果があり、大丈夫らしい。でも私の偏頭痛には効き目がないからしょうがない。

I managed to the surgery to see a GP but I felt terribly ill from migraine. I asked the doctor if I can take Imigran during pregnancy. If the good effect by taking the medicine is expected to exceed the possible risks, you can take it, or avoid it. This is the summary of the official suggestion. According to the doctor, no pregnant women voluntarily join clinical tests and pharmaceutical companies can not collect enough information to form a responsible suggestions. I can understand it. However, 'If you really can not put up with the pain, take one. You have to overcome this pregnancy as well,'she added. Paracetamol has enough clinical test results and can be taken by pregnant women. Well, unluckily, Paracetamol has never worked on my migraine....

医者が Midwife (助産婦) とのアポイントメントを取ってくれた。今後、Midwife と私が定期的に会うことになるらしい。産む病院もこのエリアの住民のデフォルトは昨日行った、あのきたない Royal London Hospital らしいのだが、もし希望があれば、ＧＰから打診してもらえて、その病院がＯＫすればそっちで産めるそうだ。川向こうには何軒か有名な病院があるし、その名前もいくつか医者が読み上げたけど、そうなるとMidwife のアレンジも別になるらしく、なんだか面倒くさいから、もうデフォルトでいいということにした。

The GP booked my first appointment with a midwife. I am going to see her from time to time till delivery.

The default hospital to give birth in this area is the shabby one I went yesterday. I can also chose a hospital, if I have any preferences, she said, and she gave me a couple names of well-known hospitals in London. If I chose a non-default, GP will write a referral letter to them and if accepted, I can go there. But midwife arrangement will also be done by the hospital and as it sounded a bit complicated for me, I decided to stick to the default Royal London Hospital.

とにかく妊娠出産について無知。まして、この国の出産なんて。仲のいい友達で出産した人もいない。会社にもまだ言えない。だから、相談できる人がいない。非常に不便だけど、この際、あまり真剣に調査するのもやめた。情報ばかり増えても、私の場合迷うばかりだし、デフォルトでやってだめなら諦めよう。

To be honest, I do not know anything about pregnancy and delivery at all. On top of that, I will do it in the U.K. No close friends have given birth in London. Can not ask for any advice from my colleagues yet. Nobody to talk about. It's very inconvenient but I do not have any intention to collect huge amount of information because it will only confuse me more. Even if all the defaults do not work, I will try not to complain and take it as fate.

ダウン症のチェックはどうするか聞かれた。Jason と話し合い、可能性が高かったら止めることにしていたので、そう伝えると、１２週目ぐらいで、一度超音波チェックをして、胎児の首の辺りの厚み（？）を測ることで可能性を割り出すらしい。もし、疑わしければ、２０週目ぐらいで羊水検査する。この検査で確定するが、検査自体による流産の可能性があるってことは調査済み。覚悟はできてるので検査は受けますと伝えた。

The doctor asked me about Down's syndrome screening and I asked her to arrange one. I had already discussed with Jason and decided to go ahead with the checking, if the result is negative, we will give up the baby. The screening takes place in very specific time of pregnancy, between 11 and 14 weeks by ultra sound scan. The baby's certain area in the neck is measured. This screening can only tell us the possibility and if the result is negative, further test with some risk of miscarriage will follow.

Folic Acidのサプリメントを処方された。はじめの１、３ヶ月に飲むといいらしいかちょっと手後れだけど一応飲んでみてくださいとのこと。

I was also given a prescription over Folic Acid. It is most effective to take it during the first 3 months into pregnancy, but it is still worth taking for the next 3 months, she said.

8W 2D 出血 Bleeding

昨日の夜中トイレに行くと、少し出血があった。あー、やばい、流産だと思った私はその後ほとんど眠れなく、起きだしてインターネットで症状をチェック。流産みたいだが、とにかく医者に行った方がいいらしい。妊娠発覚して、初めてのＧＰとのアポイントメントは明日だ。ＧＰは行ってもすぐ看てくれない。だいたい病気だっていうのに２、３日待たされるのだ。その上引っ越してきて以来、そのＧＰには一度もかかったことがない。日本みたいに産婦人科もないし、どうしたらいいかわからない。直接病院のエマージェンシーに駆け込むべきか。結局、９時になるとすぐに、緊急で看てもらおうとＧＰに電話。すると女医さんと直接会話ができ、症状を伝えることで近所の病院の Early Pregnancy Unit での超音波検査の予約をしてもらえた。今日の午前中の予約だ。早期流産は受精卵の細胞分裂に異常があることによる、自然淘汰だということだから、しょうがないこと。でも、がっかりだ。

When I went to toilet in the middle of the night, I found slight bleeding. I was so shocked to see it and immediately thought it a sign of miscarriage. I could not sleep at all after and I got up, browsing the internet to get more information about bleeding during early pregnancy.

It seems that I need to go to see a doctor anyway. But my very first appointment with GP is scheduled tomorrow. I have never been to the surgery before since we moved to Wapping. GPs do not usually see patients immediately and we often wait for a couple of days after the onset of illness. There are no walk-in gynecology specialist like in Japan. Shall I go to the A&E in nearby hospital?I have no idea what to do.

I called the surgery for their advice. Luckily, I could talk to one of the female GPs and she arranged an emergency ultra sound appointment at the Early Pregnancy Unit in Royal London Hospital at 11.00 AM.

The early miscarriage is a natural way of ending pregnancy in which the foetus was not growing as it should be, and no ways to prevent. Well, I am powerless and helpless but still feel very disappointed.

その病院はすごく薄汚い上、患者はこの辺に多く住む、英国到着後まもないモスリムの移民たちしかいないように見える。まあ、設備さえ整っていればいいか。看護婦に呼ばれてスキャンルームに入る。彼女はEarly Pregnancy の経験ある看護婦とのこと。このぐらいのことじゃ医者は出てこないらしい。もしお腹からのスキャンでわからなければ、したからスキャナーを入れて検査するって言われる。真っ暗な部屋で、ジェルをお腹に塗られて、彼女がかなりきつく下腹部をスキャナーで押し出した。それにしても、子宮ってこんなに下の方にあるとは知らなかった。

スクリーンは彼女の方を向いている。なにやら険しい顔をしている。あー、やっぱり死んじゃったんだって覚悟を決めると、彼女がスクリーンをこっちに向けてくれた。「ほら、ここの黒く見えるのが赤ちゃんよ。」まめ粒のような物体がちょっと動いている。「そしてこれが赤ちゃんの心臓の音。心音も赤ちゃんの大きさも順調よ」と言って、心臓の音も聴かせてくれた。赤ちゃんの鼓動って速いんだーって思いながら、とにかくまだ生きてるってことにびっくり。どうやらあのぐらいの出血じゃあ死なないらしい。よかった・・・。

The Royal London Hospital looks shabby and most of the patients seeme to be newly arrived Muslim immigrants. Well, as long as the hospital is properly equipped, I have to put up with everything else. My name is called and I get into the scan room. A nurse is going to examine me. It seems that no doctors will be appointed for such a minor problem, minor for the hospital. She is an experienced nurse in this field,she said, and if scanning over my tummy does not give her a clue, she will scan through underneath! As soon as she explained the procedure, she applies a small amount of gel on my lower tummy and starts to push the scanner very hard on my tummy. I did not know the baby is growing so low part of my tummy, by the way!

The screen is facing to her, and she is wearing a quite serious expression.Having looked at her face for a while, I am ready for the worst news and take a deep breath. She turns the screen towards me and, to my surprise, she said, 'This is the foetus. The one in this dark area. The size is normal for 8 weeks and everything looks fine.' I can see a small bean like creature on the screen. I also listened to the heart beat. I did not know their hear beat is so quick. Well, I am quite relieved to know the baby is still alive.

「いままでにスキャンしたことある？」と聞かれたので、去年、慢性膀胱炎の検査のために膀胱のスキャンをしたことがあると答え、ピンときた私は、「子宮筋腫があるってことは知ってます」と言った。そのスキャンの時に、子宮筋腫があるねーと医者に言われたが、妊娠には影響ないって言われたことを思い出した。看護婦さんによると、出血の原因は４つある子宮筋腫かもしれないとのこと。一番大きいので４Ｘ５センチらしい。

'Have you ever had any ultra sound done?,' she asked. I've had one for chronic cystitis last year. I knew what she meant immediately and told her, 'Yes, I have. I know I have a couple of fibroids.' The cause of bleeding can be these fibroids, according to her. She counted and measured them. I have 4 of them and the biggest one is measured 4 x 5 cm.

「流産じゃなかったんですね、よかった。」と言うと、彼女は、「流産ではなくて、Threatened miscarriage よ。流産は防げるものではないから、気分が悪くなかったら普通の生活をしていいわ」と言われた。明日ＧＰとのアポイントメントがある事を告げると、検査結果が入った封筒をＧＰへと言われて渡された。スキャンの結果をいくつかプリントアウトしてたみたいだったので、Jasonに見せたら喜ぶかなあって封筒の中を除いてみたが、入ってなかった。出産予定日は１２月２０日と書いてあった。１１月１５日の誕生日前、すなわちどうにか３０代のうちに産めないかしらと、今妊娠していても産むのは４０になっちゃう事実に唖然とする。

'I am quite relieved because I thought the baby is dead,' I said. She told me that it is called 'Threatened miscarriage' and there is no way to prevent it nor expect what is going to happen next. I can lead a normal life, if I do feel ok. She gave me an envelope with some papers in it, asking me to pass it to my GP tomorrow. I'd seen her printing a couple of images while scanning and I thought Jason will like to have a look at them. But there is only one piece of paper with results and no photos were enclosed. The Expected Date of Delivery is stated 20/12/2004. I realised first time that even thought I am pregnant now, I will only be able to a mother just after my 40th birthday. Quite scary...

7W 6D 弟に打ち明ける Told about the news to my brother

両親にはまだ言えないけど、弟には言おう、言いたいって思って電話した。なにかあった時には慰めてもらおうって思って。もちろんままとぱぱには内緒ってことで。相変わらず冷静な彼は、「で、結婚しておかなくて、なにかあった時に大丈夫なの？」だって。今のところ、世界中で私の妊娠を知ってるのは、弟、タイに住んでるタイ人の友達、ロンドンの台湾人の友達、Jason、私だけだ。

I can not tell my news to my parents yet but I called and told my brother about this exciting big news. He was very calm and cool as usual, and asked me, 'Will it be no problem having a baby without marriage? If something happens, marital status is not important?' It's typical him. At the moment, only my brother, a Thai friend in Bangkok, a Taiwanese friend here, Jason and I are the only ones who know my pregnancy.

7W 2D 妊娠しやすい体質？ Easy to get pregnant?

日本に行く前に子どもについて初めてJasonと話し合った。それで、日本にいる時からなんとなく解禁になったのだが、私の年齢を考慮に入れると、まさか、一回目でできてしまうとは思わなかった。Jasonもまあ、６ヶ月ぐらいの間にはできるかなあって思ってたらしい。確かにうちの家系はこの件に関しては問題無い。Jasonも両親が若くして生れた。遺伝か。

We discussed first time on our children just before leaving for Japan. And since then, the ban has been lifted (?) but nobody could expect that I got pregnant in the first try, having considered my age. Jason was also expecting me getting pregnant within 6 months or so and not that early. I think it's running in our family. My mom and grandmothers all had no problem having children. Jason was also born when his parents were still very young.

6W 6D 親にはまだ言えない Can not tell my parents yet

Jasonは責任感を急に強く感じるらしい。だから怖いって言ってる。私は、とりあえず高齢にも関わらず妊娠できたのをすごくラッキーだと思う。でもまだ親には言えない。まるこーでの妊娠は、流産の可能性も、ダウン症の危険性もすごく高いから、期待させてがっかりさせるのはかわいそうすぎる。

Jason feels a bit scared because he now feels a huge responsibility on both me and our baby. It's typical men's reactions? I myself feel very lucky because I am in my late 30s and it's said that getting pregnant at these ages are quite difficult. Even if you get pregnant, there are high risks of miscarriage and baby having the down syndrome etc. My parents will be over the moon if they know my news, but I can not tell them at the moment. If my pregnancy does not last, they will really get disappointed.

6W 5D 一年記念 One year anniversary

今朝妊娠検査薬でテストしてみた。ちょっとどきどきする。検査薬をテーブルの上に置き、５分後に結果が出るまでなんだか怖いので紙で隠してみた。Jasonと一緒に心臓が止まりそうになりながら、紙をずらしてみる。くっきりとポジティブ！嬉しさと困惑。なんか変な気持ちだ。いや、一本だけじゃわからないわと、SlidingDoorsの一シーンを思い出しながら、もう一本で検査してみる。やはりポジティブ。どうやら私は妊娠しているらしい。ところで、ダイアリーをチェックしてみると、Jasonに初めて会ったのは去年の５月２日。きょうで丸々一年だ。その上、５月２日は彼のお母さんの誕生日だって。

I did the pregnancy test this morning. I was quite nervous. I put the test kit on the table but I covered it with a piece of paper while waiting for 5 minutes till the result appeared. I announced Jason that I would remove the paper now, took a deep breath, then pick up the test kit under the paper. It was positive. Very clear pink line on the result window. Very strange feeling. I tried another kit as remembering one scene from the film 'Sliding door', Gwenyth Paltow does 6 tests in the film,and positive again. I must be pregnant. Incidentally, I was looking at my diary and found that Jason and I first met on the 2nd of May last year. It's been exactly one year today. What's more, his mom's birthday is on the 2nd of May.

6W 4D Motoと食事 Meet up with Moto

久しぶりにMotoと会う。お気に入りのマレーシアンカフェに行く。またバクテ（肉骨茶）を食べる。美味！その後 Le Meridien のバーに行く。白ワイン一杯は飲むが、それ以上飲みたいと思わない。本当に体が欲しないのと、もしかしたらという気持ちがある。Motoには、なんだか太ったんじゃないと、ぽちゃこさんと呼ばれた。Bootsで妊娠検査薬購入。明日試す。

I saw Moto. We went to my favourite Malaysian Cafe in China town. I had Bah Ku Teh again. It's gorgeous! We then went to the bar at Le Meridien at Piccadilly. I had a glass of white wine but I did not feel like having more. Not only I was a bit worried about 'If I am pregnant' but also my body did not crave for any more wine. Strange! Moto told me that I looked fatter than before. He decided to call me 'Pochako san'. I bought pregnancy test kit at Boots. I will try it tomorrow!