きのうの夕方に急に家に帰りたくない症候群が襲ってきた。ここ数週間、定時後に直帰する生活を送っていたからだろうか。ダイアリーを読み返してみると、過去一ヶ月、友達と外食したのは、土曜日の昼の2回の飲茶を含めて3回しかない。妊娠前は週に数日アフターファイブの予定が入っていた私だ。ソーシャライズをしない生活がメンタルな部分にとうとう影響を及ぼし始めたか？
会社と家の往復だけってことは、JasonかToshさんとしか会話をしていないに等しい。会社でToshさんを「ジェイちゃん、」って呼んでしまったりする始末だ。
ビールでも飲んでちょっと気分がハイになれば治るのだろうが、そういうわけにもいかない。夕方JasonにSOSの電話。気分転換に日本食屋「銀杏」にてんぷら定食を食べに行った。
この小鬱、数週間前からたまに感じるのだ。授業と部活、ソフト部と理工野球部、航空会社で秘書と日本語学校で教師など、元来、二足のわらじをはいてバランスをとる私。今は会社しかないから窮屈に感じるのかもしれない。だから、出産後会社に復帰するのは正解だろう。私は専業お母さんには向いていないだろう。
The feeling 'I don't want to go home' suddenly attacked me after work yesterday. Is it because I have gone home straight from work in the last couple of weeks? I checked my diary. I've only gone out with my friends 3 times in the last one month, including 2 lunch appointments on Saturdays. I used to go out for a couple of times per week. This unsociable situation has started to take a toll on my mentality?
Coming home straight after work means I virtually talk to Jason and Tosh only. I've started to call Tosh, 'J-chan, ...' by mistake.
If I could have a couple of pints after work, it would definitely help. I made an SOS call to Jason and we went to a Japanese restaurant 'Ginnan' to have Tempura.
This light depression has happened occasionally since a few weeks ago. I am a type of person who needs more than 1 thing to occupy myself to balance my mentality. Working as a Japanese teacher while I was a full time secretary in Singapore, joining 2 different circles at university, studying for university exam while playing softball for high school etc..... I have only 1 at the moment, going to work. Probably that's why I feel a bit bored. It will be definitely the right choice to go back to work after maternity leave. I will not be able to be a full time mum.
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