Saturday 24 February 2007

2Y1M 20W6D 「アラタ行かない」 I don't want to go.


あっこちゃん、もろ、ようこのロンドン繋がりの仕事(遊び?)仲間が近所のしゃぶしゃぶ屋まで会いに来てくれた。アラタカラを(何時間も両親に見てもらうのは不可能なので)連れて行くつもりだった。ところが、家を出ようとすると「アラタ 行かない。」車に乗せようとしても激しく抵抗して、ついに自分で靴を脱いで家に上がってしまった。私がちょっと買い物に行こうとしても一緒に来たがるのに、おかしい。

結局タカラだけ連れて行く。落ち着かないアラタが一緒だったら2時間が限度だと思っていたから、思わず友達とゆっくりできた。家に帰ると、アラタはとてもいい子だったと、両親。いつもは嫌がる歯磨きや着替えもさっさとやって、率先しておばあちゃんと寝室に行き、あっという間に寝たらしい。「ママ 友達」と言って、私のいない理由を理解していたと言うのだ。


A couple of friends who used to work and go out together in London came to see us at nearby Shabu Shabu restaurant. I was going to take Aratakara with me because it would be too much for my parents to look after both of them in the evening. But when we were about to leave, Arata started to say, "I don't want to go!" I tried to put him into the car but he resisted very hard and in the end, he went back to the house. It's really strange. Arata always wants to come with me even when I just go to a corner shop for some milk...

I took only Takara with me. If Arata had been with us, we could have only stayed for 2 hours maximum, Arata wouldn't stay at table quietly. I could spend more time than planned with my friends.

When Takara and I went home 4 hours later, Arata had been already in bed. My parents told me Arata was a good boy. He behaved better than when I am around. Arata didn't run away when my mum was brushing his teeth or dressing him with pyjamas. He then took my mum's hand and went upstairs with her to his bed and soon fell asleep. He was saying "Mama friends" and my parents think Arata understood why I was not with him.

Jason thinks it's a sign of his independence. My parents think he sensed my tense and felt he should not come with me. Well, to be honest, I felt nervous to take Aratakara to a restaurant and as I was running late, I was a bit hysteric. But still, can 2 year olds think logically like that?


Anonymous said...

This incident and the previous one of Arata insisting on taking off his jacket & shoes in the train are examples of him asserting his autonomy. The developmental theory of Erik Erikson describes the need for children of Arata's age to have autonomy over some aspects of their life and behaviour or they will develop a strong sense of shame & doubt that will last throughout the lifespan. Jason is right, it is a form of independence that shows normal healthy personality development. However, too much autonomy or independendence too early will lead a child to doubt themselves, whereas not enough causes the child to feel ashamed of themself.
Your parents are also right, in that children do pick up and respond to their parent's tension and will sometimes try to avoid situations of high anxiety as a way of managing their own rising anxiety. Arata is now at an age where he may start to think he is the cause of or responsible for things so too many negative experiences will make him start to feel bad about himself. His thinking skills are still somewhat limited in their logic!>

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Beth. I was expecting your comment on this incident! It's really good to know some basic theories about child psychology.>

Anonymous said...