+27W 3D 複雑な心境 It's so......

ロンドンで同時テロが発生。オールドゲイトは、Wappingから近い。BBCの24時間ニュースでは、上空からの映像を流している。もちろん、私たちが一ヵ月前まで住んでいたフラットも映しだされる。暇さえあれば、ウインドウショッピングに通っていた、Canary Wharfの高層ビルも見える。そして、怪我人が多く搬送された、Royal London Hospital（日本の新聞では「王立ロンドン病院」となっていた）からの生中継。Royal London Hospitalは、シティに近く、私がアラタを産んだ病院。

子宮筋腫の痛みや破水疑惑で駆け込み、腎臓の超音波検査、羊水過多のため妊娠糖尿病の検査、予定日一ヵ月前には脱水症状で入院、そして、出産と、普通の妊婦以上に通った。初期の拒否感とは裏腹に、いつの間にか愛着の湧いていたあの見覚えのある病院が映し出されているのを、複雑な心境でみた。

親を亡くした子供のこと、子供を亡くした親のことを思うと胸が締め付けられる。私がテレビのニュースに見入っている間も、アラタは楽しく遊んで、屈託なく笑っている。アラタを抱きしめて、「住みにくい世の中になってきたね」と声をかける。運命を前に無力な私たち。だけど、この子を守ってあげなければという、恐怖なまでの責任の重みに体が震える。

Coordinated terrorist attack in London has become reality. One of the locations, Aldgate is close to Wapping. On BBC 24 news, they were showing the live image of the area from the air. You could see our ex-flat building. They were also showing Canary Wharf, the area I often went window shopping. And lots of live coverage from the Royal London Hospital, where most of the casualties were transferred. The Royal London Hospital is the biggest hospital close to the city, and, yes, it's the hospital I had Arata.

I went to the hospital much much more than normal pregnant women. I went there for fibroid pains, suspected waters break, ultrasound on kidneys, suspected pregnancy diabetes, 3 days hospitalisation from dehydration and finally labour..... At first I didn't like the place. I wanted more modern hospital. But gradually, I was getting attached to the place. It's surreal to see the hospital for such terrible reasons.

When thinking about the children who have lost their parents or the parents who have lost their children, my heart really aches. While I kept watching the TV coverage, Arata is playing and smiling happily as usual. I hug him and say, 'This world is getting difficult place to live...' Feeling powerless towards one's destiny but I still know I have to protect Arata as much as I can. I shiver from the amount of the responsibility that Arata's arrival has brought to me.